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Wanting

I am a thirty-one-year-old native and recently married. I met my husband about five years ago and we are at a ten-year age difference. At the time we both decided to not have any more kids and now I find myself missing something in our relationship, and that’s a baby. 

About a little over a year ago, I had my tubes tied and am regretting that decision! I want to have a least one more child with my husband. I have three kids but with my ex-boyfriends, very abusive relationship (two daughters), and my son is now four years old and his father passed away three years ago in a horrific car accident. 

I just find myself wanting it more and more. 

I remember all the late nights with my babies, nourishing them back to health when they were sick, watching their first steps, listening to their first laughs, cries, words, etc. I’m missing it all. How can I explain that to him to understand that I am regretting that decision we both made. His kids are a lot older, one is in college and the other is graduating this month and his youngest, his son is about eleven years old. 

I’m afraid I am going to fall to depression. I miss every moment of being mother and baby. I did research about reversing this situation but I don’t have that to get it done on my own. It’s a lot of money. Oh gosh, what was I thinking …

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