Was It All Worth It?
As per my English degree I received I have decided to finally put it to some use while reflecting upon my day as a mother. You often wonder if everything you do is really worth all of the hassles that you endure during these long hot days of summer. For instance today I awake to kids desperately wanting to rush me out of the door before I was dressed and ready to face the world, they are ready to rush me out into the heat of the day, they are ready to put me to the test, to see just how much of a mother I am.
They run me around Dollywood, one of the biggest amusement parks in Tennessee, begging and pleading for me to ride these rides, me being most terrified, I decline one offer after another, while sitting back and letting them scare the pants off of themselves. Reflecting on the moment when they come running back to me, white as ghosts and rushing me off to find a restroom due to the fact they literally scared the pee out of themselves. One of my children informed me after riding a roller coaster that turned upside down and inside out of itself thirty two times that she felt as if her pee was scared to death, and she must, no she insisted that I take her to find a restroom now, she is only six.
As we continue the day with the, “mommy let’s go here, let’s go there,” I am hungry, I am thirsty, I am hot, I need a drink, etc. I dread taking one more step, I feel as if I take another step I may not make it to my car to drive back home, but I hold my head up, I keep up the pace, I try to please them in every manner possible, but they still insist on making my heart race as I watch above my head I see ponytails of two of my daughters and I hear the screaming of their tiny voices as they hang upside down at least fifty feet in the air.
I see the pictures being taken with the fear in their faces as they take the curves, the turns, the round and round, backward moving roller coaster. Then another ride which leaves me on the ground while they are at least 75–100 feet in the air, their tiny little feet no longer on the ground but up where I can no longer reach them and protect them, my heart pounds, my hands shake, I cannot wait until they are back down on the ground with me, where I can touch them and hold them if something went wrong. I have a fear of letting go, but I do it in order to allow them to learn for themselves that just because something looks fun, it may not necessarily be fun. They run to me their hearts racing and sweat beads among their tiny little lips, where you can hear in their tiny voices the adrenaline that keeps them forever speaking of this amazing ride they just took, where they could see everything in perspective now that they had the crap scared out of themselves.
The infinite wisdom of the mother is now the God’s honest truth. They now realize that I am not just a scared person who fears the ride of a lifetime, they realize that I am nothing more than a big chicken who fears her children will one day become big chickens just as I am. They will also one day sit and watch in fear with their hearts pounding and their teeth clenching as their little ones mount the heavens on this monstrous ride of a lifetime that will forever leave the adrenaline pumping as they look upon this ride with excitement and joy, their hearts pounding as they travel the unknown that will scare them to death.
As a parent, today I sat and watched my little children take fear head on, leaving fear on my door step as they fastened their buckles, brought down the steel lap bars, clinching their little fists, their hearts pounding, their faces clinched with every twist and turn about this huge steel monster that looped and turned inside out of itself several times. The intense fear I felt watching them today made me realize something; I realized that life is just like that big steel monster, you can either take fear by the horns and show it that you may be scared but you insist on over coming the fear of life and the problems which exist concerning your life decisions or you can sit on the side line watching life pass you by or you can simply be a chicken.
So the question is, “Was it all worth it?” and the answer, “yes, definitely” I may be the worlds biggest chicken, but I know that since I did not ride that grand steel monster, I will wake up tomorrow to see the smiles, hear the laughter, fighting, bickering, and see my children grow just one more day all while being the best big chicken in the world.