What Do I Do Now?
I have one child, a daughter, twenty-one years old. A year ago, she moved out on her own with a little push from me. It was hard at first, but she was only around the corner and we spent a lot of time together when she wasn’t playing her game, World of Warcraft. I got use to her being gone and she called several times a week and we did lunch every week. It wasn’t too bad. Then … she met a guy on her game and after a couple of months he flew 1,500 to meet her.
Well, they decided that they were meant to be together! She agreed to move in with him in his hometown. He is in the Air force and had to go overseas for eight weeks first. I had hoped during that time things would cool off, but they didn’t. I think he is bi-polar! All summer he pushed her away, telling her to forget about him and move on, then five minutes later when she is in tears, he tells her he can’t wait to be with her! He came to get her and and brought her an engagement ring! This was their second meeting! So he packed her up while she sat and watched. Then off they went to start their new life 1,500 miles away from me.
If he hadn’t come here and packed her up and drove her back there, she would never have gone on her own. As if that wasn’t bad enough, they have set a date—after his divorce is final and before he has to leave for three years to Japan. Now this guy is very controlling, and my daughter doesn’t mind being controlled. It’s like she doesn’t have a brain of her own. She wanted to get married here at home and he agreed to that, but now he is turning down every place she comes up with. I think he wants to do it in front of the justice of the peace 1,500 miles away (just like he did with his first wife). They both promised that her father and I would be at the wedding. Her father was looking forward to giving her away and walking her down the isle. Now it looks like we won’t be there. Once they leave the U. S., I know we won’t be hearing from them for at least three years. And to make matters worse, he has taken steps to make sure there will NEVER be any grandchildren.
So now I feel like I have lost my only child and my only chance at being a grandmother. My husband doesn’t understand how I feel. He just says cut the cord, that she’s living her own life now. This is my little girl who couldn’t even go to the store without calling me and talking all the way there and shopping and back home just because it “made her feel better.” Now she isn’t allowed to drive her own truck anywhere without him! She can’t talk to anyone. When she does call, it’s only when he isn’t home and that’s getting less and less. He wants nothing to do with his family and I feel like he wants the same for her.
What do I do now with such an empty life? How do I stop worrying about her? How do I cope? I cry all the time. I don’t want to do anything. I would like to find something to do with kids. I work at a school and it is the only thing I am happy doing. I want to find something that will let me be happy and a grandparent. What do I do? Where do I turn now?