Six children over the span of ten years in the course of a twenty-six-year marriage, with my baby now finishing up his freshman year of high school, and I find myself wondering: “What now?” You see, I’ve been a proud and determined stay-at-home mom for most of my life, working the occasional part-time job over the years for some much-needed extra money and a dose of self-sanity, until such time as things unraveled to the point that I could no longer be away from home.
Overall, I’ve not minded this reality, and feel very strongly that it’s been the right thing, and a most beneficial thing, for me and my family. We’ve sacrificed to accomplish this, but feel strongly that the good has always outweighed the bad. But now, as my youngest begins his last three years, and their overall need for me grows ever less, I realize there’s a lot of questions awaiting me, as I approach the light at the end of this particular tunnel.
So I ask myself, “What now?!” Many I know have opted for further schooling, but I honestly have no real interest in returning to the classroom, as well as no idea what I’d pursue, nor funds right now with which to do it. So I move on from that idea with the hope that something else will avail itself to me. People suggest pursuing your passion, but other than supporting my children in pursuit of their own, along with music and dancing, I don’t really have one, and given the latter, certainly not ones at this age that I could reasonably turn into revenue. So again, I move on, in hopes of something new, something with which to better realize my own potential as a competent, capable, intelligent, and interesting individual—not just So & So’s mom, or Mr. So & So’s wife, because I know I am worthy of more, desire more, and yearn to begin this next chapter on the right foot.
So, “What now?” I really don’t know, but I hope to remain open to the possibility, and hopeful that as I come ever-closer to the end of my three-year plan (a.k.a., my son’s high school career) I’ll have a clearer idea as to where life may lead and the excitement that lies ahead!