Willingness is the Key: A Birth Story I

by Giuditta Tornetta

Willingness is the Key: A Birth Story I

“If there is a will, there is a wall”—once I heard this at my church, I could not get it out of my head. I was raised with the exact opposite dictum: “If there is a will, there is a way.” I’d always pushed hard to get where I wanted to go. I had a will—a strong will —and by God, I was going to find the way to get where I wanted to be.


Instead of focusing on the strength of our will, Revered Dr. Michael Beckwith proposes that we let go of our self-will, and becoming willing to receive what we desire—instead of fighting for it. After hearing this message, I realized that even when willfulness had seemed to be working in my life, a wall indeed arose somehow, somewhere. For instance, I once tried to pressure a publisher into publishing my book. My will was strong and I engaged everyone I knew to send him e-mails, telling him to do so. The publisher initially loved the idea, but once he proposed it to his staff, they rallied against it. Without even reading the proposal the project was turned down. I’d call that a serious karmic wall!


In reviewing the births I have witnessed, and passing them through the sieve of will vs. willingness, I noticed a blueprint. If I, or a client, stand firm in our will to have a certain outcome during the birth, a wall gets thrown up. Whether it comes from the nurses, doctors or even the client’s unconscious, ego begets ego and resistance is usually the outcome. On the other hand, when having formed a clear vision of the birth and having set our intentions, we enter the birth setting with love in our hearts and the willingness to be open and receptive, the outcome is a natural and painless childbirth. Shortly after learning this lesson, I had the following experience.


I worked with Mary and Jay for about two months. Among other things, in our prenatal visits, I explained the pros and cons of vaginal exams performed at every doctor’s visit. Serial vaginal examinations at thirty-six through thirty-nine weeks can be discouraging and have no bearing on the outcome and progress of the pregnancy. Yet, Mary would call me weekly, telling me that she had been checked again. As expected, finding out that she had not dilated and was “just a little effaced” was making her nervous. I urged her to ask why her doctor felt the needed to check her so often. I encouraged her to convey her desire to participate in the decision making.


Mary seemed unable to say “no,” or to ask for what she wanted. I noticed that I was getting concerned. Under hypnosis, she revealed that her major apprehension was to be unable to stand by her decision of having a drug-free birth. Despite her strong desire for a natural birth, Mary wanted to be reassured that she could have an epidural if she felt she needed one. I told her that she was in charge of her birthing experience, and that I was there to support her decision no matter what, and without any judgments. I further suggested she should be free of self-judgment, regardless of what her ultimate decision was going to be. In other words, she would simply let the moment and the circumstances dictate the outcome. She needed to become willing to accept nature’s plan for her, and so did I.


During another hypnotherapy session she had a wonderful conversation with her unborn child (named after the Balinese goddess, Sinta) who, with a mothering tone told her to relax and not worry, for the birth was going to be great. When the baby talked to her mother the room filled with a sense of quiet and serenity. Sinta was a true Goddess. She radiated self-confidence from within her mother’s womb. I could tell this was going to be a very special experience.
Read part II