I believe that worry is a wasted emotion. I guess it’s not really an emotion … maybe it’s a state of being. Whatever it is I have spent far too much of my life worrying about things that may never happen, things that I can not change, andthings that are out of my control. Why?! Why do I do this to myself? Worrying about something has never actually made my life better, but still I worry. My favorite time to worry is late at night when I am laying next to my gently snoring husband. I mean, why rest when I can worry about things I can’t solve in the middle of the night?
When I became a mother, I was worried that my worries would increase, but oddly enough they have decreased or shall I say, they have become more focused. I’ve let go of much of my frivolous worrying. So what do I worry about now? Oh, the list is still long, but here are the top three.
1. Finances. Who doesn’t worry about this right? I’ve learned that I can do with out a lot as long as I know I am providing what my daughter needs.
2. My family. I worry about our safety, our health, our happiness. I want us to like and love each other.
3. Me. Yup, I worry about me. I worry that I will sabotage our happiness. I’ve had a rocky life and although I’ve had moments of peace and joy, they have not been the norm. I tend to look for problems. I just can’t seem to trust that things can run smoothly. I’m working on it, but I worry that I am too flawed to be a good wife and a good mother. (I am not fishing for reassurance. I realize that I am not a bad person, I’m just being honest about these particular insecurities and the worry they cause me.)
Those are the biggies that I worry about on a regular basis, but I am happy to say that I’ve let go of so many other worries that used to occupy my thoughts and I do think it has something to do with becoming a mother. Here are the top three things I no longer cause me worry:
1. Looking like a fool. I don’t worry about this anymore because it is inevitable. I’ve left the house thinking I look good only to realize I have a big smear of poop on my pants. Whatever, I shrugged my shoulders and pretended it was mustard.
2. Being perfect. I used to be big on perfectionism, which meant I spent a lot of time feeling like a failure. Not anymore! I’m too tired to try to be perfect and I just don’t care anymore, I’d rather be happy.
3. Comparing myself to others. I know some very successful people and it is easy to feel like I don’t measure up, but I finally understand that success looks different for everyone.
I’m not alone, right? You worry, too … right? What do you worry about late at night and what have you finally stopped worrying about?
Originally published on UnknownMami