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Your Kid Is Not a Punch Line

You know, I wasn’t planning on writing this evening. I was going to just take the day off, relax, and kick back.

But then, while perusing my local paper online, I came across an article about something so bizarre that it was clear the universe was asking, nay begging, me to take to the internets and deliver a very special DMD slap-down.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present: stilettos for babies.

This is not a joke. These shoes, made for infants up to six months of age, are being marketed as “Her First High Heels” by two mothers who have co-founded a company called Heelarious.

At first I was fixing to go on a proper rant about how dressing a baby up as mini adult like this sexualizes them and robs them of their childhood, blah, blah, blah …

But then I read this quote from one of the company’s co-founders:

“I’ve always been a shoe freak and I thought, ‘Omigawd, what if you could take a baby to a party wearing high heels? It would be hilarious.’”

And I realized that these ladies are not courting sexual predators; they’re courting the cool kids. And that’s almost as bad.

Because wannabe hipster parents who think its trendy to dress their babies up in funny, ironic little accessories are just plain lame.

I am sorry if you were not popular in high school. But that does not give you the right to try and make up for it by exploiting your child’s natural cuteness. It does not give you the right to give them some ridiculous hair style or and dress them in clothing designed for the sole purpose of eliciting chuckles and showcasing what you imagine to be your edgy, streetwise style.

Bottom line: if you want to bust out and crack wise, YOU wear the punch line.

Thank you. That is all.

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