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It’s Not the Size of the Boat

Does size really matter? And is it shallow to think it does? The 4-way panel discusses length... at length.

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Dear 4-Way,

My boyfriend has a tiny penis. I’m talking like maybe three inches tiny—and that’s when it’s hard. The sex isn’t bad, but it’s not great either. I know that this shouldn’t bother me, but for some reason it does. We have oral sex pretty much every day—sometimes twice—which makes me think he’s aware of this problem and wants to try to please me in different ways. The problem is that I’m so hung up on his smallness that I can’t concentrate anymore, and I rarely come from anything. Do other people have dicks this small? We haven’t been dating that long, and I’m not sure he’s Mr. Right, so I’m considering breaking up with him since the sex is so average. That makes me feel a little shallow, though. What do you guys think about all this?—VW, Austin, Texas

The straight man’s perspective: Chris Kennedy

Yes. That’s my answer. Yes.

Yes, he’s small. Yes, you’re a bit shallow. Yes, you should break up with him.  Yes, if you break up with him, he will have a chance with someone who is comfortable with his size.  Yes, you will have a chance to find your Mr. (bigger than three inches) Right.

He should be applauded for trying all that he can to please you using what God gave him. Unfortunately, that’s not working for you. And maybe not for him either … maybe he thinks your vagina is too big. Doesn’t matter, you two don’t seem to be a good fit.  I feel bad for him, but I believe his desire to please will compensate for anything he’s lacking elsewhere, and there will be a woman out there for him.  I do caution you that you not being open to a guy who is trying to please you as best he can could be a bit of an issue. You can’t just lay back and enjoy it?

Keep in mind, a guy with a bigger penis may not give you the pleasure you hope for either. He may not even care as much as this guy does to make sure you’re stimulated in other ways. Maybe you should wish for good things in small packages.  Consider this as you move on to bigger, but not necessarily better, things and thingies.

The gay woman’s perspective: Jody Fischer

How would you feel if a guy wanted to end it with you because your breasts were too small or too big? Pretty bad feeling, isn’t it? If the rest of your relationship was in stellar shape, I’d say see what you can do to get over this, but the truth is that you don’t seem really into this guy in the first place. A tiny weenie and tiny interest in the guy equals a “see you later” in my book. But what do I know about tiny male dicks? I’m a lesbian.

Since I’m in way over my head with this question, I discussed this issue with some of my straight women friends. Seems like there is a wide range of preferences out there and that there is a “right fit” for everyone. The long and short of it is he’s not your perfect match. Perhaps he will be for someone else, but not for you, my dear. Keep searching until you find your match. Not just in terms of size down-under, but also a match in terms of your intellectual, spiritual, emotional needs, as well as a daily life companion. There is the old adage that says you have to love people for who they are and not try to change them. But as the saying goes, you first have to love them. And you don’t. Time to size up the next guy, on all levels.

The gay man’s perspective: Darren Maddox

Well, you often hear it’s not the size of the wand as much as the magic that comes from it. Let’s break this down. He’s got a three-incher, he’s likely very aware of that fact so there’s no need to bring it up to him. Next, although you may not consider yourself a size queen, you do have a touch of it in you or this issue never would have surfaced. If the sex isn’t bad, but it isn’t good, what is it about him that’s encouraging you to stay? What’s he like outside the bedroom? If you answered that he’s a great person and the only thing missing is a few extra inches, I think you should focus on what he has rather than what he is missing. Penises come in all shapes and sizes, sunshine. You just happen to have landed on one that falls short of your expectations. I noticed that you mention nothing about the guy that you actually like here, you just seem more hung up on him not being hung. If you want to go the distance with this guy, get a Kama Sutra book and learn together how to use what he has. It could be a great adventure for you both.

The straight woman’s perspective: Rebecca Brown

You’re right. Small is bad. It’s so much more fun to have a big old nine-or ten-inch thing banging into your cervix every time you have sex, making you feel like you’ve got a bad case of cramps instead of experiencing pleasure. Yeah, that sounds like a dream.

I think you’re dealing with a micropenis, VDub, which is a unit that measures less than two inches when it’s flaccid. About 0.6 percent of men have them, so yes, other people have dicks that small. I don’t think you’re shallow; I do think that while most women wouldn’t admit it, they’d at least wonder deep down (where that tiny trouser snake could never reach) if bigger really is better.

But I did a little research on the microschlong and discovered that its shortness can sometimes be a plus. A dong that only penetrates a few inches can sometimes hit just the right spot, a handy little place known as your G-spot. Since you said the sex is so-so, I’m guessing that this wasn’t the case for you. But lucky you—oral every day! I know a lot of women would be thrilled at the prospect of that. You don’t mention if that’s satisfying or not, but if it isn’t, shame on you for not giving the poor guy some guidance. Help a brother out, why don’t ya, VW? If he has to live with a small Johnson, the least you could do is help him become the King of Cunnilingus. Have a heart.

Bottom line, though—you don’t seem all that jazzed about him, the sex isn’t that great, and all you can think about is his tiny pork sword. Stop wasting everyone’s time and go forth and find your John Holmes.

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