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Playing the Numbers

We've all been there, waiting by the phone on the day after "I'll call you," knowing that call probably won't come. Did they lose your number? Did they forget? Were they sucked into a black hole along with all your missing socks? The 4-way weighs in.

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Dear 4-Way,

Why do guys ask for your phone number and then never call? —JT

The gay woman’s perspective: Jody Fischer

News flash: girls do it too. Next time ask for his number. This puts you on an equal playing field. Have you ever been the one who has to make the call? It’s not easy to put yourself out there. Unfortunately for some, simply asking for a number and getting it means you’ve already “won” because you GOT THE NUMBER. Sometimes the fear of possible rejection outweighs the risk of the making a second connection. I’ve learned that life is short, so don’t wait for things to come to you. Get his number and make the call.

The straight woman’s perspective: Rebecca Brown

The hell if I know, JT. Maybe the fun is just the actual act of getting the number, Swingers style. A guy friend once hypothesized that maybe the asker had too many drinks and forgot that he had gotten my number—until he came across it a few weeks later all crumpled and illegible in his wallet. My friend thought maybe the guy felt too stupid to call at that point. Sigh. Maybe you should get their number or email address from now on, as an insurance policy.

The gay man’s perspective: Darren Maddox

Because somewhere during the required three days (the time needed to ponder what he will actually say when he calls you), a strange phenomenon occurs. Many men—especially those in their twenties and early thirties—experience a most unfortunate side effect when a phone number is obtained. He misplaces the balls he once had which allowed him to ask for your number in the first place. Try as he may, he cannot locate them again and therefore lacks the courage to dial you from the device in his pocket. But there is hope. Once he matures, he won’t lose said balls after gathering a phone number and he’ll show the courage and respect needed to actually call the person who seemed so intriguing in the first place.

The straight man’s perspective: Chris Kennedy

For the same reason(s) girls don’t call a guy back after she’s given him her number. There are myriad reasons people have second thoughts: they slept on it (or have already slept with it) and decided they’re not ready to date, they’re more interested in pursuing someone else and don’t want to juggle, or their significant other found out. Each case is individual and since it’s unlikely you’re going to get an explanation, you just have to let it go. The dating world is a jungle and you’ve got to heed the call of the wild… even when there isn’t one to heed.

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