Menu Join now Search

Refined Disillusionment

This is only my fourth article on DivineCaroline and, I must say, I love writing here.

This is a little story about humans and their reactions to other people’s reactions to our actions.

My third story was about recycling and it just spewed out like my first two articles, no research, little editing, a quick proofreading, and DONE. Well, several days later after the article was accepted, I get an email from DivineCaroline saying that my, MY ARTICLE would be featured on Neighborhood and World section of the Web site. Oh my God! 

I immediately sent copies of the notice to both my sons, which now that I think of it,  have neither sent nor received an email from either of them. I called my mother in Texas, and told her to check her emails. I called my sister in Denver, so giddy and excited. I HAD to call my sister in California, just in case she stumbled onto the Web site and read my article and recognized herself ... well it was only fair that she know she was in it and in a not a perfectly attractive light, the margering tubs and the washcloths, you know, I HAD to tell her. It was like I had written my first novel and it made the New York Top Ten Best Sellers List. I was just ecstatic about it.

The notice was sure to point out that with as many contributions that they had, it would be showing up in several days, so be patient. BE PATIENT, are you kidding? I must have checked the site twice a day, every day for a week. I was not very patient, and after ten days started to feel a little embarrassed, like maybe they had really read it and thought twice about FEATURING the article.

Then after two whole weeks ... I got MAD. Yes, you heard me, I got really mad. I had just made a fool of myself within just a few hours of getting the notice and had told everyone. I did everything except make up t-shirts and bumper stickers about it. It was all just a gaff. (That is the thing fishermen put inside the fishes mouth to draw them into the boat to their demise.) THE HOOK. DivineCaroline wanted me to send that email to as many people as I would, and thereby they would get lots of new members, you know more clicks on the counter. I FELL FOR IT, hook, line, sinker, gaff and all. OUCH.

My ego was devastated. My desire to write disappeared. I got depressed about it, like the excitement before a big date, and you get called in to work and you get fired, kind of depressed. I suppose DEVASTATION would really peg it. I was not going to write another article, why bother? No one is reading them, anyway. No comments are being added, no clicks on the I LIKE THIS ARTICLE button.


But ... I kept checking it. I noticed after 20–30 minutes of browsing OTHER PEOPLE’S stories, with all the comments, and the 20 I LIKED THIS ARTICLE, just burning a hole right through my gut. I kept looking for my story, my FEATURED story. I read and re-read my article over and over, finding small flaws. Trying to find the reason, looking for a sign as to why they had changed their minds about featuring the story, and then trying to see why they would feature it. A mess really.

Well, about twenty days into the fiasco of me, after everyone I told has forgotten about it, I FIND IT.

In a Sub-Category, yep, under Neighborhood and World,  just like they said it would be. Yep, there it was, took me just under three weeks to find the darn thing. And you will never guess ...

Yep,  no comments, not one I LIKED THIS ARTICLE ... CRICKET SYMPHONY HERE.

Oh my God, and after telling my entire family across the continent about it, and anyone who would listen.

I thought the gaff interpretation was painful, but this was ouchie central.

So it has been a good while now. My ego has let it go. If it was that hard for me to find, they probably never found it either. Well, heck, they never had to look for it, I SENT IT TO THEM. Alas, the human condition, the drive for accomplishment and recognition, wanting to be accepted and loved, the perennial desire for acceptance, and me hanging out with this cricket.

Now that I am back and writing again and telling YOU about it, it is so funny. Still, we all need that feedback. We thrive on it. Eat it up like double chocolate brownies with nuts.

So if you think you are running low on that INSTANT GRATIFICATION, just wait a little while, it might just get worse.