One of my best friends moved to Boston and called to tell me how she was adapting from West Coast to East Coast. She said, “Here my girlfriends will ask me how often I have sex with my husband, but they are mortified when I talk about money.”
It reminds me of our relationships with the bank. Sometimes I get the feeling we are all a little bit Boston, even while millions are swirling the drain of personal finance as they once knew it. If we are all in the same swirl, wouldn’t we want to talk about it? Hear each other’s tribulations and solutions? Wouldn’t we want to relate our issues to our friends, to the loan officer and the bank, because they could have the solutions?
Financial Matters Out in the Open
Money is a secretive matter. It gets tied up in status and shame, and when we are faced with losing it, the prospect of loss is often bigger than the sum itself. It is emotional and heavy.
What if potential loss were an easier burden to share? What if talking about money challenges and fears could open up solutions? If you say out loud what your situation is, someone very often will know someone else who can help, or who went through exactly what you are going through, or knows someone who works at Chase, or whose cousin is a financial advisor who can help.
Talking about money challenges means letting go, and maybe even coming to some conclusions that are hard to swallow. In the interest of letting go, I am trying that on. I have been filing loan modification papers for a year now, and have reached the point where I can take no more steps forward. What if the only answer now is to surrender?
What if I was willing to take the massive action of letting this property go? And if I am willing, why am I not including the bank and loan officer in on my process? Why am I acting differently in this relationship? Any other relationship, I would speak to what I’m struggling with, and what I am willing to do.
Conversations About Letting Go
Wouldn’t it be great if I actually had that conversation with the bank? I would love to keep this property and pay you on a regular basis. But I can’t do it if I don’t get the loan modification. I have tried everything from changing my family’s lifestyle to filing twelve months’ worth of papers. And now, I am willing to let it go.
My actions at the beginning of the day included faxing my bank six utility bills and thirty pages of statements. What I am going to do now do is write a letter to thank the loan officer. Then write to the bank to say I’m willing to let go. What I am hoping is that by surrendering and being public about it, I will be building my team, my support network, to help me continue to make the changes I want to make in my family’s life.
Originally published on GreenSherpa